I don't know why Simon Le Bon didn't marry me. Sure, sure - he was an international pop sensation and married to a supermodel and I was a 12 year old gap toothed kid in the middle of Nowhere, North Carolina, but we were soul mates. I knew it. I knew it every time I kissed his picture above my bed, as soon as my mom had turned out the light and moved a safe distance down the hall. I made out with a picture of Simon Le Bon while the Dallas theme song played in the living room.
At least, until the paper where his mouth was had worn completely away and he looked like a victim of some horrible mouth-erasing accident. I kissed a piece of paper so much that I effectively ate it away. That is kind of embarrassing.
Something similar happened with the 21 Jump Street-era Johnny Depp.
And Rob Lowe.
And Christian Slater.
And Val Kilmer.
And Kiefer Sutherland.
And, God help me, the lead singer of the country music supergroup, Alabama. At least it wasn't an Oak Ridge Boy.
Katie is just getting to the age where she's showing interest in teen idols, and I promise to never tease her about them. And if I find a picture with a hole where the mouth used to be, I'll just look away.
12 hours ago