I sat in the elementary school cafeteria last night, surrounded by parents in various states of anxiety. Even those who had been through this process before were a little nervous. It's a big thing, no matter how many times you've done it before, no matter how excited you may be about pushing another kid through those big doors with a smile and kiss, the event won't be ignored for the milestone that it is.
Last night, I registered Julia for kindergarten.
When Katie started kindergarten, I was unable to face the first day alone. The Husband went with us, and the poor teacher had to practically push my weepy, snotty mess of a self out the door. Katie, on the other hand, turned to us as soon as we walked her past the threshold and said "You can go now!" I held my belly full of baby Julia and cried, because I knew that things would never be the same. I spent the majority of the day at the mall with my friend M-, unable to sit in an empty house all day.
It was equal parts traumatic and pathetic.
Julia is so very different than Katie was - she is more intense, and energetic, and restless. She needs more, and often more than I can give her in a day. I know that full time school will challenge her and fulfill her immense social needs. Last night I was practically high fiving the kindy teachers and wishing luck to whomever draws the Julia straw.
I laughed and joked and made sympathy clucks to the poor parents around me, so scared to let their babies go. Cut the cord! I cried with glee, then went home and to bed, where I buried my head in the pillow and lamented the loss of my baby girl.
Is it ever easy? Is it ever easy to pin a note to their chest and send them out into the big bad world, without you? Probably not. Will I mark every milestone with public fist bumps and private sobbing? Probably so.
She's ready, she always will be. I'm not, I never will be.
2 years ago
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I balled like a baby when M got on that big, yellow bus the first time.. skipped to my lou when Sydney went and when Cassie went, they had to pry me off the doorframe. Just wait until Henry gets there... I'll be waiting with an ice cold beer to cheer you up and talk you off the ledge ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, big lump in my throat. My baby goes to Kindergarten in the fall. Love: "Is it ever easy to pin a note to their chest and send them out into the big bad world, without you?"
ReplyDeleteNo, it is never easy and it is never the same. I'm so cheerful, I know. But it's so necessary. Mine would kill me dead and hate me forever if I held them back. Still...
Having sent three of my four off to college and then the greater world at large, I can say those milestones just keep coming hard and fast whether we're ready or not. Thanks for sharing this.
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