Thursday, August 30, 2012

Stage Mom

It is a topic that is so mommyblog 101, so pedestrian, you will think, 'oh lord, this is so overdone. I hope she says fuck a lot at least.'

(I can't make any promises.)

What is it with those sports parents? What a-holes! I remember one mom, back when Katie was on swim team. She'd stand at rhe end of the lane, shouting and waving her arms, what a fucking spectacle.

Oh wait, that was me.

There was also this woman who, during Julia's soccer game, was yelling 'GO GO GO! YESSSSS!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!" as her daughter took the ball and scored a goal. Scored because all the other players and coaches were surrounding an injured player. The words in yo face may have been used. The children were four.

Also, sadly, me.

But the absolute worst is the stage mom, with her painfully obvious attempt at vicarious living. The one who really wishes she could audition herself. She'd show those bitches, she would so rock Annie!


Me. Mememememe.

Katie had an audition this afternoon for a production of Fiddler on the Roof. It's the biggest theater she's auditioned for, and there are limited roles. I really want this part.

On the ride over, we talked about eye contact and natural movement and BIG SMILES.

I made her repeat, enthusiastically:


So help me,  I said it. And meant it.

When they called her name, my stomach crawled up into my throat and stayed there while she sang her sixteen bars behind closed doors. I could hear her and she sounded great and I came close to crying. I am a fucking freak.

When she came out, she sat down and said, "I was so nervous and I totally froze and didn't move." but then she laughed and I told her she sounded great and I was confident in her and she did her best and I was proud. And then I started sizing up the competition.

The cute kid in a pink cloche hat. What nine year old wears a fucking cloche hat? Really?

The kid who dressed the part.

The kid wearing the t-shirt advertising the last play she was in. (Guilty of this, not going to lie.)

The boy. One boy which means one of the six roles will go to him. Fact: Boys ruin everything.

But she sounded good, and she's a sweet and fun kid, and I think she glows. I told her she was so good, they'd have to rename it Katie on the Roof. I meant it.

We wait.


  1. I can forgive you all of this if you promise, cross your heart, that you are not one of those moms who run out into the middle of the production/game/meet and stop it so that you can take pictures to post to Facebook.

    Also, I hope Katie nailed it. If she didn't it's probably because that other girl is sleeping with the director.

  2. I know exactly how you are feeling.....the first time I saw you on stage I felt the same way! You're a mommy! I can't wait for the news....keeping my fingers crossed.

  3. I have been sending positive energy her way since you told me!... prayers, begging, live sacrifice!

  4. My theory is that parents who says they aren't at all attached to their kid getting the role/winning the game/making the Honor Roll are merely attached while not not noticing they're attached. They're sometimes so attached that they think nobody can compete at all in case someone doesn't win (like their kid). Either that, or they're Buddhists. Your way is far superior.

    I'm pulling for Katie. I totally see Broadway in her future.

  5. When will she find out? As always, you had me laughing out loud here. Love it!

  6. Thanks for all the well wishes and reassurances that I am not a freak, or, if I am, I'm in good company. Update: SHE MADE IT! Rehearsals start in a week. I told you she was awesome.

    1. WHOO HOOOO!!!! Congrats to Katie and her darling, talented mother!

    2. NICE! I had full confidence!

  7. Yay!!! So glad she made it! I LOVED that show when I saw a kid. My sister and I watched the movie version and then spent months playing Tzeitel and Chava with our barbies. We even made a butter churn out of a kaleidoscope.

  8. There is such a fine line between being a lame mom and totally going overboard. My mom could have cared less what I was doing and after 11 years, I can say I haven't repeated it. As long as you don't hog her first photo shoot, It's safe to say you're cheering for your daughter - not your own dreams for her. Well, maybe a little. ;-) but what's the fun in being a perfect parent?

  9. Yay for Katie and Yay for you, too. I used to get a huge kick out of the enthusiastically hysterical parents on the sidelines at the kids' events. The ones who bugged me though, were the ones who were mean and overcritical to their own and everyone else's kids. There's a fine line between rooting on and tearing down, ya' know? Luckily for Katie and her siblings, you're TOTALLY on the right side of that line.