Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Cannot Write

 I cannot write, right now, because I am too busy playing Candy Crush Saga. If you know what this is, you understand. If you don't, please don't go looking for it, it will consume your life. 

I cannot get past Level 74, and it is making me crazy. I came within 1 FRIGGING ACORN and ran out of moves. I seriously teared up. 

And this is why I can't write. Level 74.

Also, because I am at that jumping off place. 

My house is kind of a mess and I haven't gone for a run in months and the ends of my toenails are blue, the last slivers of a color painted at the beginning of November. I honestly can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. I have two good stories to tell you and no energy to write them. 

"How are you doing?", asks my friend Y-. 

Weird. I am doing weird.

When I started this blog, I did so with the intent of keeping up with faraway friends and family. I had no idea that people made money from blogs. I had no idea who Dooce was. 

Before this blog, I had never written anything longer than a response to a message board post. I was a good reader, a good thinker, sometimes funny. And now here I am a couple of years later, walking around with my chest puffed out calling myself a writer. Sometimes it feels very much like a sham. 

Sometimes it feels like this is the best thing I've ever done short of those three perfect children. Sometimes, I want to kick myself and say, what are you doing, you are so lazy! I should be submitting things and being more active and consistent and engaging. But then I get distracted by washing machines and special snack and soccer registration and play rehearsal. 

And Candy Crush Saga, Level 74.

So here I am, at a jumping off place. I will, I will, I will jump.

As soon as I get to Level 75.

10 comments:

  1. The pizza game on Webkinz was my downfall.

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  2. HERE. If you read this, it will make you feel better for ten whole minutes:
    http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/dont-let-worry-drag-you-down

    I am doing weird, too, but I think that it normal for me. You seem pretty put together by contrast. I can't stand that you didn't even write two years ago. What a nerve you have being this good! (This is me, cheering you up.)

    Before my blog, I wasn't a writer either, except in my own head. If occasionally scrawling things on paper throughout childhood and adolescence makes me a writer, then I am one. Otherwise, I was just highly verbal and depressed. So, now that I've stepped up my pretense of writing, there's all this new crap to do and it turns out I really just want to have a small little life with silly little entertainments and the vague notion that I could have been great. Then there's a whole other part of me that wants to fight for more, damn the results. So, I sit and gnaw at my manuscript until it bleeds, knowing that it will never really be published, but it might help make me good. And take lots of Facebook breaks.

    I get it. Write one more thing. Harder than the last. Chew it up. Show it to someone. And then play a little Candy Crush. Kiss a kid. Live to fight another day. I'm with you all the way.

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  3. Ppfftt. I have you beat. My blog is 9 years old and you have more readers in your infancy than I do in my 9 "tween" years total. Feel better yet? My biggest problem is that I have great stories in my head but hesitate when it comes to putting them on the site because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

    So.. what's your problem again?

    Oh and I am so sporadic with Candy Crush that I have no clue what level I'm on..

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  4. Jump, run, write...the first time back is the hardest. Here's hoping we can all get out of our January weird.

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  5. Hmmm, you write better when you say you can't write than I write when I say I can write.

    Right?

    best,
    MOV
    (you will get your groove back, it might have slipped down into the keyboard of your computer)

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  6. Ruby Blast on Facebook. It's ridiculous. I just have to get all of the gold stars. It soothes me, I tell myself, it allows me to think. Or it makes my brain ooze out my ears.

    There seems to be an epidemic of weird going around. Symptoms: odd obsessions, listlessness, crushing doubt and questionable hygiene. Got it in spades over here.

    We're all rooting for you, Kelly. You can beat level 74.

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  7. Would it make you feel any better for me to tell you that I can't write a creative story worth a darn and I love coming here to see what you've written next? It's all true! Sorry you're feeling weird. Weird happens.

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  8. Aww. Well, you're not alone. I'm playing Creeper World instead of writing. I've been trying to stop for days.

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  9. Kelly, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you...it's not an acorn. People don't usually eat acorns. It's a hazelnut.

    I got past Level 74 after a couple of weeks and a complete breakdown of my "no real $ on fb games rule", but am totally stumped at 124 or something like that. I had to go back to bubble witch to feel like I succeeded at something. :-/

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