Monday, July 30, 2012

That's A Pisser

My son is peeing all over the place.

Several months ago, I decided Henry was ready to get out of diapers. It was an item I'd included in my ridiculous list of Thirty-Nine (long abandoned and due to expire shortly), and, plus - the girls had been so easy.

Henry was totally on board. He'd run to the toilet every fifteen minutes. We did the potty dance and gave high fives and we declared to friends that Henry practically trained himself!

So smug. So stupid.

He lost interest. He didn't want to stop playing or he didn't make it on time and accidents happened frequently. Then they stopped being accidents. It's as if he was saying, 'You and your games are tiresome, woman. Piss off.'

Today, he peed in his dump truck and brought it to me.

'Pee pee truck?' he said sweetly. Pantless. 'Yeah?'

'Thank you,' I said, grateful it was only pee. Thankful it wasn't an actual dump truck.

I'm started to wonder what's cheaper - buying a carpet cleaner, renting one over and over, or sheeting everything in plastic. To make matters worse, Shutup Roxy has suddenly become an old dog. I've had both of them simu-pissing at different ends of the house, with me running and screaming and throwing towels and yelling DON'T TOUCH IT! because someone will end up in the crossfire.

Someone like Julia will come running, because I am screaming, and hit a patch of pee and go down, hard.

And then everyone gets a bath.


  1. Oh Kelly, I am laughing my ass off and reading this out loud to my husband because now we can at least feel good that we don't have an old dog. (and to be fair, Kee hasn't handed me any pee filled toys.)

    I feel your pain...hopefully Henry will come around soon.

  2. It's so funny to read your story because last night Daylen was telling us all about Henry's peeing!! =) "Pee pee closet", "Pee pee carpet".... He named a couple more places and we were cracking up.... the dump truck is so funny though!! It will get better soon... until then he is entertaining us here in the desert!! Love You!!!

  3. These are days that I remember well. At some point, we insisted that the kids wear pants all day, so that when they peed in them, they were uncomfortable.

    We also insisted that they change their own pants when they peed or other (yuck) in them.

    Best of luck to you in this endeavor!

  4. Can you believe your post actually made me nostalgic??

    What's WRONG with me???

    Hilarious post.

  5. These sorts of posts are especially fun for those of us who have grown children and now live in pee-free houses. :O)

  6. I know nothing about potty training except this: It's all fun and games until someone gets a turd on their foot.

  7. The last line about Julia running and falling.....laughing out loud with the visual in my head :) I needed that!

  8. "Thankful it wasn't an actual dump truck." Snort-worthy, I tell ya.