Thursday, March 1, 2012

Things I Thought I Knew, But I Didn't

Tangled Lou's post about the mayonnaise salad prompted me to question her - was it mayonnaise, or was it Miracle Whip?*

In my house growing up, mayonnaise was Miracle Whip, I had no idea that there was a difference and did not knowingly taste real mayonnaise until I moved in with the Husband.

"What is this?" he said, wrinkling his nose and holding the jar of Miracle Whip with two fingers, like it harbored some disease, like White Trashitis.

"It's mayonnaise?" I replied. I knew he was from California, but they eat mayo on the west coast, right?

"No," he said, "It most certainly is not."

It was a Thing I Thought I Knew, But Didn't. Miracle Whip is not Mayonnaise.

Also, you do not pronounce Pontius Pilate like the exercise. It is not Pontius Pilates.

Growing up in a family that did not regularly, or irregularly for that matter, attend religious services, going through a nine month course to become a Catholic was a little like throwing the country mouse into the city. Except with more Jesus, and incense. I came by my ignorance honestly. When we had Katie baptized, my Dad casually popped a butterscotch into his mouth as he entered the church. He tossed the wrapper into one of the convenient ashtrays they had at the entrance. The ashtray containing holy water.

I have a friend that grew up with a family saying - Keeping up with the Schrontzes. Little did she know that her parents had replaced "Joneses" with "Schrontzes", based on actual neighbors of theirs. One day, she and I were talking and she casually threw out the phrase and I said, "Who the fuck are the Shrontzes?" She had no idea that everyone else referenced the Joneses.

More often than I would like to admit, I am enlightened in small ways, to Things I Thought I Knew, But I Didn't. Instead of making me feel stupid, it's like a little surprise. Oh, hello! You learn something new every day!

I hope I never stop learning how dumb I am. It's all part of the quest to keep up with the Schrontzes.

*In her story, it was mayonnaise. I was a little disappointed.


  1. I am using the Schrontzes from now on!!!

  2. Being about the richest person I know, I try to set a good eXample for all the huddled masses yearning to be free. (hahaha, right!)

  3. My parents are immigrants, so I am CONSTANTLY having moments like these. Not as much as in my early college years tho. my personal favorite was being told the correct pronunciation of "oregano" was not "or-ee-gan-o" lol!

  4. Right on. Sorry to disappoint with the mayo thing. :) The first time I ever tasted Miracle Whip was at my friend Rosaria's house when I was four. I thought their mayonnaise had gone bad.

  5. And Duke's Mayonnaise, while technically mayonnaise is really more like Miracle Whip. And Miracle Whip is considered a "dressing".

  6. Just thinking about Miracle Whip makes my lips purse up like I've tasted something sour....

    Kelly, you have an award:

  7. Miracle Whip is SO MUCH BETTER than mayo. Like you, mayonnaise was Miracle Whip in my house growing up. The first time I tasted actual mayo, I think I might have gagged.

  8. "Keeping up with the Schrontzes" sounds a whole lot more interesting - I think I'll use that from now on!

  9. Honestly, I can't really tell the difference between Miracle Whip and mayo, so I sympathize. Julia Child would say that none of it is really mayonnaise...

  10. I didn't know respite was pronounced reh-spit until about a year ago. I've been be-bopping around for decades saying ree-spite. And then one day, I said ree-spite to my boss and she laughed - hard - in my face. Go me.

  11. Hellmanns Mayonnaise... best in the world. My daughter only uses Miracle Whip (yuck!)

  12. I always thought it was Pontius PILOT. That is the *only* reason I became a flight attendant. I did quit 8 years ago when I found out.

    On the plus side for you, you no longer have to stress out that those Pontius Pilates classes are a prerequisite to get into heaven.

    You're welcome.