Saturday, April 14, 2012

M is for Moss

I am not a crafty person. I don't sew, I don't paint - I own a glue gun, but I'm not sure where it is. I specialize in Play Doh snakes.

I am also a cheap ass.

So when I get a burr up my butt to do some home improvements, I want everything new and fresh and finished today. And I want to spend twenty bucks doing it.

In the past two weeks, I have totally redone Henry's room, Julia's room (including making a pennant for her wall. MAKING.), their bathroom and I've started on our bedroom. Also, inspired by my friend MOV's door, I'm picking a color to paint the outside of our doors on the back porch. Also, I planted a bunch of flowers and spread pine needles. I finally framed all the beautiful family pictures my friend C- took for us in October.

I am on fucking fire, people.

I am a wrecking ball of design and inspiration. Pinterest called me to see what I was doing.

Then came the Moss.

I bought a frame set to display our family pictures on the wall of our bedroom. I bought it because it was cheap and I could do it quick (again, cheap. And lazy, too.) What I didn't realize until I had them all hung was that it wasn't at all the look I wanted, and it looks too much like my Grandma's wall in 1980. All that was missing was a little portrait spotlight in a bronze finish.

I started at the Goodwill, dragging my kids through aisles of oddities - from SYNTHETIC HUMAN HAIR ponytails to baby doll heads to a disturbing number of Hawaiian Santas. I picked up a couple of funky little things to hang along with the frames. I was looking for one big piece, but couldn't find it. We left, deflated. On the way home we passed the Ben Franklin, and at the last minute I turned into the parking lot.

If I couldn't buy it, I was going to make it. I was going to get some stuff, and glue some stuff on it. That always works.

I found a $3.74 piece of a styrofoam and a $2.97 bag of moss. For less than $7, I would have something awesome. I realized that I would need something to make the moss stick to the styrofoam. The foam glue was insanely expensive at around $6 a tube. Surely I'd have something around the house I could use.

We came home and I made the children eat fish sticks and boxed mac and cheese while I worked on my masterpiece. Styrofoam isn't as easy to cut as I thought. I thought briefly of MacGyvering it and using dental floss, a pair of chopsticks, and a Tic Tac. In the end, I just used a knife.

Cutting styrofoam with a knife makes a loud, high pitched squealing noise that makes you want to poke your eyes out with said knife.

I cut it into the shape of our last initial. Then I started to look for a means of affixing the moss to the letter. Wood glue, hot glue, glue stick, super glue and 'just lick it and see if will stick' were nixed right off the bat. In the garage I found a can of spray mount and thought if I just spray enough on there, it will stick.

It did.

I wish I had a better story of getting the moss on there, but it was pretty easy. I did have a moment or two when I thought "Oh, stick on there, you asshole." When I was done, I nailed a couple of holes in the wall and stuck it up there.
Yes, I know one side is bigger than the other. Don't you think it's killing me? Also, I'm a shitty photographer. Thanks for noticing that, too.

I still have a few things to hang (double sided tape doesn't work, by the way), and when it's all done I'll post a picture. I might even put it on Pinterest, maybe then they'll stop calling. 


  1. This cracked me up. Oh, can I relate. Cheap and now and absolutely's how I like my stuff too. Oh yeah, and not too much effort, please. Ha!

    1. I like my crafts like I like my men- cheap, fast and easy. *HIGH FIVE*

  2. H is for Ha Ha Ha...cracked me up! Particularly, "I am on fucking fire, people. I am a wrecking ball of design and inspiration. Pinterest called me to see what I was doing. Then came the Moss."

  3. my darling daughter, please call me when you need a crafty tool....i have a stryo heat tool that cuts thru it like butta....and makes no high pitched squeaky noise. And enough adhesives to glue the Berlin wall back together.......

  4. Oh, and can I steal your idea on the painted back door?

    1. Great. Like you stole my tomato watermelon salad recipe? Just kidding.

      Not really.

      No, I'm kidding! You are so sensitive.

  5. For once, I'm speechless. And I'm with you on the PlayDough snakes.

    1. I do the tongues, too. Do you do the tongues?

  6. This is the funniest thing I've ever read. I am not one of those people to type "LOL", but that is what I am doing, and also LMAO, and even ROTFL. You are hilarious!!! Best line ever: Pinterest called me to see what I was doing.

    And the H looks pretty darned good!

    And thank you for linking my door-- what a nice surprise.


    1. I LOVE THAT DOOR! And you know, Virgo. After I snapped that picture and had to go back and take off those couple of straggly pieces. And then I considered redoing the picture, but that seemed a little overboard.

  7. This post was such fun! :) One of my favorite things to do is shop at Goodwill for strange things that I can turn into other strange things.

    The main problem is that I bring the stuff home with the very best of intentions...and it just sits there and accumulates--cruelly mocking me each time I pass by the growing pile of 'awesome craft ideas in the making that I know damn well I'll never get around to."

    1. Back when everyone was ebaying old ashtrays and stuff, I did some goodwill and yard sale shopping. I love used things, they are little treasures. Except for shoes. Used shoes just make me want to throw up.

  8. Have you ever considered doing a DIY blog?
    I used this very informative post just today as I was attempting to affix 26 tiny pinwheels to a giant styrofoam cone.
    Hot glue? No.
    Kelly said it doesn't work.