Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Post That's Not A Post

My friend Tara at Faith In Ambiguity said 'May is for mothering'. Between end of school parties and awards and graduations and recitals, May is certainly, overwhelmingly, for Mothering.

I have spent the past couple of weeks in a state of goofy almost-doneness, pitting responsibility against warm days and sandboxes and four o'clock beers. I took the kids to ice cream for no other reason than today was Wednesday and we had nothing better to do. Then, in an effort to negate my coolness, I let Katie hurt my feelings and let her know it, and cried and said the truest thing I've ever said -

"No one will ever love you as much as your mommy does."

Heavy knowledge for an eleven year old, though likely not believed. And then I felt silly and blamed it on blood sugar and made her kiss me, twice.

I don't know what is wrong with me. It could be the busyness, it could be that this week is the anniversary of my father's death (though it is just another day, I still feel mostly like this), it could be that my OCD is cycling I am doing battle with it, armed with Comet and a toothbrush.

It could just be that I am ready for summer and time spent blowing bubbles and sitting in the sun, instead of driving to activities and trying to cram quality time in between homework and bedtime.

Sometimes, in summertime, the pool is a good enough bath.
Bedtime is negotiable.
Lunch can be a popsicle.

The table outside will be covered in the assorted detritus of fun - wet towels and flip flops and foam noodles - and I will turn out the light snd lock the door and think, 'I'll pick that up tomorrow,' and not feel the least bit irresponsible.

Sometimes, in summertime, you can do that.

I still have 2 1/2 weeks of real life and lunches and ceremony. I will spend it with a perpetual lump in my throat for the passing milestones, and an eye on June.

Summer, I am waiting.


  1. WOW. Where did you learn to write like that?@!?

    chills, baby.

    this stuff needs to be in magazines. like, yesterday.


  2. You put it so well. And MOV is so right, Kelly! I feel this way too. My body is stuck doing a relentless series of stupid tasks, but my brain is already wandering, just chasing summer dust motes by the pool while the kids swim under the supervision of a lifeguard. My standards are lower than they ever have been this May. I think there's a sunbeam in my frontal lobe.

  3. This is so beautifully written Kelly!!! Summer, we are waiting for you!

  4. Doesn't the pool count as even MORE effective than a bath? It's like dipping your kid in bleach. I consider them disinfected for the week.

    Great stuff as always.

  5. I think you miss your you

  6. My dog has always enjoyed his kiddie sized plastic swimming pool, but now he has too many ear problems, so I think it is sadly a thing of the past.

  7. Few more weeks and you can exhale!~ I'll be keeping you in my prayers, especially this week!

  8. Hugs sister! Last week was my anniversary of dad's passing and I swear to you that I'm grateful it does come at this time of the year because we ARE so busy.

  9. This is *too* a real post. Hmpf.

    Our problem is that we still have two and a half weeks of school left. It's hard to do homework when you want to run through the sprinkler and eat ice cream in front of the tv. :(