Committed

Many years ago, before I had children or a house or a legally binding relationship, I had a job. The job was very important to me,and so I took every opportunity to prove my commitment. One year I volunteered to make all of the desserts for the company Christmas party. Nevermind that I had never made anything more complex than a chocolate chip cookie. I had seen Martha Stewart on television, it couldn't be that difficult. It was with that attitude that I picked up a copy of Martha Stewart Living and settled on the centerpiece for my cornucopia of holiday sweets - the creme puff tree.

No big deal. Make some delicate creme puffs, artfully arrange them in a tower, and cover the whole thing in a halo of spun sugar.

Four hours and a six-plus pack later, The Boyfriend found me sitting on the kitchen floor, teary eyed and shit faced, covered in sugar. The creme puff tree was more like a creme puff puddle. We showed up to the party with a hundred dollars worth of lovely, store bought petit fours.

Sometimes the easy way out is the way to go.

So here are my Top 10 Tips for a stress free, awesome holiday season:

1. Not everyone gets a gift. I kill myself every year making cookies for everyone I know. The mail lady hates me, why am I giving her cookies? Piss off, mail lady! I'll give my cookies to the people I really like.
2. Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Santa. Jesus. Santa Jesus. Who cares? Isn't the bottom line peace and love and all that jazz? Peace is keeping your trap shut and enjoying the holiday, in whatever way you choose.
3. If you're counting calories, keep it to yourself. You're ruining it for the rest of it.
4. Get at least one person on your list something that will make them freak out with happiness.
5. If you're buying for a person who has everything, don't get them anything. Make a donation to an organization they love instead.
6. Give to your charity of choice. Give more than you think you should.
7. Do something magical.
8. Start a tradition. Something big (like going to see The Nutcracker or A Christmas Carol on stage) or something small (like a holiday movie marathon).
9. Listen to holiday music. Sing along. Except that Christmas shoes song. No one should ever listen to, or sing along with, that song. It makes people homicidal, and murder is pretty anti-Christmas.
10. There is this magical thing called the internet. If shopping at the mall gets you all jerked up, shop online.

If I manage to follow all my own suggestions, I just might have the most relaxed holiday yet. I might even be up for trying another creme puff tree.

Perspective

There are things I believe, and things I don't believe. I believe, for instance, that most people are decent human beings, and will prove themselves as such, given the chance. I do not believe, for instance, in the karmic retribution of inanimate objects.

So imagine my suprise when my washing machine took a huge shit last night, a week after I'd written this post. Imagine my further surprise when the repairman had an unspecified emergency this morning before our appointment, and now cannot come until Wednesday. Meanwhile, I have a washer full of water, a bathtub full of wet, dirty clothes, and mounting piles of laundry.

And a husband who 'is pretty sure he might be able to' fix it, with the help of a car jack, a wet/dry vac and some suggestions from Google.

"The washer is broken." I sobbed. "You might as well just cut off my arm!"

Last night, after discovering the broken washer, we watched 60 Minutes. The story was about the unbelievable number of families left homeless in Florida due to the recession. Here were families living in their cars, the kids getting ready for school in the bathrooms of gas stations. They weren't alcoholics or drug addicts or lazy or taking advantage of the system. They were simply average families devastated by circumstance.

Meanwhile, my biggest worry is my stupid washing machine, where the worst case scenario is that I may have to buy a brand new one. What an asshole.

Every Christmas I vow, 'This year will be different.' This year, I won't focus on gifts and indulgence and stress. This year, I will talk to my childen about the importance of our faith, instead of worrying so much about what's on their lists. I will concentrate on doing instead of buying. I will take time every day to teach them a lesson in gratitude. We will share what we have. We will relax and be thankful and recognize the thin line that separates where we are from where we could be.

Then, we will continue those practices right through January 1st and on into the New Year. This year will be different. Again. I never know where my good intentions will lead. I can only hope that this year I really can make the most of things, and make this the year my children remember what we did, and not just what they got.

Life has a way of kicking us in the pants and putting things in perspective, just when we need it. For some people it's God, for some it's karma, for some it's just the natural order of things. And for some of us, it's The Laundry.

It Takes a Village - Christmas Edition

You may remember my Halloween Spooktacular Village from October. Here is the Christmas version!

I made the little brick walls four or five years ago, out of pebbles, foam and Gorilla Glue. Every year since, I say "I really need to make some more walls." and then I never do. Next year, really, I need to make some more walls.

I also need to get blue cloth for the background, as I think I'd like it better than the black. But, I had the black and I am cheap, so black it is. One day, ONE DAY, there will be a water feature. It will probably be the same year that the walls get made.

I wanted to, needed to, do something different with the mantel this year. Stockings hung with care by heavy metal hangers, within reach of an almost 2 year old boy, are not a good idea. Again, I'm cheap - so I got a rustic garland half off at the craft store for $7.99. A vase of pinecones with some curly junk and berries on top of some old books took care of one side of the mantel.

For the other side, I was able to reuse some old candles and make them not so old looking by tacking on some vintage postcard ornaments. I put them next to big fat Jeremiah Johnson-Santa. It's eclectic. Like me.

This is year three with the crazy orange feather-flower tree topper, and I still love it. The Husband is not a fan.

And I love my big, faceless Holy Family.

But my favorite decor thing is the Nutcrackers in the kitchen.

That is a horrible picture, and when I take pictures of the kids' tree in the playroom and the outside lights, I will get a better one of the Nutcrackers.

And what do the Southern Fried Children do on Black Friday? When it's 70 degrees and sunny, we play football. Sort of.

It is the most wonderful time of the year.