Tuesday, March 1, 2011

My Small Mind

I do not understand black holes. My husband is fascinated by all things sciency, whereas I am a complete moron. I can not comprehend things that happen off of good old terra firma and not only that - I don't care. I am sure that one day my childrens' childrens' children will be forced to abandon earth and take up residence on Venus and for that reason space exploration is vital to the survival of the human race, but, eh...not really interesting.

I do not understand how television works. Or the internet. Or radio or cell phones or anything where you put information in at Point A and it comes out at Point B. I prefer to refer to these all of these things by the most accurate name I could come up with - Magic Boxes. Do not speak to me of waves and frequencies and ethernet (wtf is an ethernet, anyway?). It is magic, and I thank the magicians for being smarter than me.

I do not understand how cars work. I like to think there are tiny elves stoking little fires in the engine that power the car. I'm not sure how the engine makes the wheels turn, so let's revise that theory. There are tiny elves who live inside the tires. Gas is Magic Juice that makes the elves run really really fast and turn the wheels. That makes a boatload more sense than pistons and carburetors (not that I know what either of those things are).

Sean likes to watch programs like How Things Work and Modern Marvels and How They Make Totally Boring Shit. I try, I really do, to sit there and absorb the knowledge being imparted. Instead, I end up zoning out and thinking about things like when did Charlie Sheen stop being a stone cold fox and start being a lunatic?

There are a few things I get. Fire. I kind of understand electricity, and I can lift the lid up off the toilet tank and kind of get the idea of what's going on there. I know that you can not take a power cord away from a baby without handing him something equally interesting. I know you can not tell a 10 year old girl that zebra print boots do not go with everything. I know that sometimes all a little kid needs is a hug and a cuddle to make everything okay. I know how to love and, in my line of work, that makes me a pretty smart cookie.

And black holes are stupid, so there.

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