Thursday, January 26, 2012

Leader of the Free World

Things you are never going to see me talk about on Southern Fried Children: Politics. That's pretty much it. Chances are, if you know me, you know my politics, and you know I have no interest in discussing it, unless you are in complete agreement with me. I can't stand to argue, and I see no point in it, knowing that the chance of me changing someone's mind is about the same as them changing mine. Slim to none.

That said, I have often thought about what I would do, if I had the opportunity to run our great nation. I don't know much about the inner workings of Washington, but I do know that simple rules are the best rules. And if I were in charge, I'd apply our house rules to every one, and every thing. If I can expect little kids to follow these rules, surely we could do it as a country. Right?

Rule #1: If you make the mess, you clean it up.
Rule #2: Keep your hands to yourself.
Rule #3: Remember that you are a lot bigger, and you can hurt a smaller person, even if you don't mean to.
Rule #4: If you touch your butt, or anyone else's butt for that matter, wash your hands.
Rule #5: If you want to buy something at the store, you'd better bring your own money.
Rule #6: If you use the last of something, replace it.
Rule #7: Respect other people's privacy.
Rule #8: Eat good food and move your body. It will help keep you well.
Rule #9: If you get sick, I will take care of you.
Rule #10: Share.
Rule #11: Take care of your things, they'll last longer.
Rule #12: Say you're sorry when you're wrong, and accept apologies when you've been wronged.
Rule #13: Be who you are. My love is unconditional.

And if you don't follow the rules? And stern talking to, and perhaps a time out.

If only it were that easy.


  1. You can be my president any time!

  2. So not only would I vote for you, I think I want to come and live with you. That's totally not creepy.

  3. I say we start a campaign to make you president. Like Steven Colbert, but serious.

    -Motaki, the Aspiring Falconer

  4. It sounds so reasonable when you put it that way. ;)