Friday, April 6, 2012

F is for Friends

I am not a very good friend.

This is probably where you say to yourself, "Oh, come on. I'm sure you're a good friend! You tell wonderful little stories about poo poo and you have darling children! What more could a person ask for in a friend?" While those things are true, it is not enough to make me a good friend.

I am not a good listener. I am listening, but I also thinking about what I'm going to say. As a result, I sometimes forget what you've told me and so I don't know to ask those important follow up questions days or weeks down the road.

Did you get your hair cut? Did you tell me you were going to get your hair cut? Did I see you getting your hair cut? I forget.

It's embarrassing.

I don't return phone calls and send fifteen emails when one would suffice. I don't reciprocate. I don't initiate. I neglect to write thank you notes. I make excuses about time and distance and busyness, even though you're just as busy as me. I assume you'll understand. 

But - I care, often more than I let on, and sometimes because I'm not very comfortable telling you. Maybe part of me is still 12 years old and I'm afraid if I tell you that you're SUPER AWESOME, you are going to tell me I'm a creeper. Should I hug you? Should I not hug you? Should I say I love you? Do grown ups who aren't related or having relations say 'I love you'? Because I do.

I have some amazing friends. Kind, thoughtful, funny, caring people who like me enough to overlook the fact that I don't pay attention. I spent a good part of my adulthood feeling the absence of significant female friendships. I now find myself in the company of women who inspire, encourage and teach me, every day. They love me, despite my inability to pay attention.

I love them, too. There, I said it.

14 comments:

  1. AWWWW... Kells! We love you, too!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I absolutely love that you tell people you love them and agonize over whether or not to hug them.
    I am a terrible friend and flaky as the day is long. I also hug at random. Sometimes strangers. It's amazing anyone speaks to me at all.
    I seriously doubt you're as bad as all that. :)
    Love this post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hurray for flaky friends, Lou. We're endearing. Right?

      Delete
  3. This was so lovely and so touching. All this means, Kelly, is that you're human...just like the rest of us. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Super Earthling! (I guess you are Super Human, then? ;) )

      Delete
  4. Love you too. -Y

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you read this, especially. :)

      Delete
  5. You are my twin. I have wonderful friends and I can't remember what they told me 6 seconds ago or what month they were born. I think we make our friends feel a little better about themselves because we're just so inept. See - we're actually great people! And super-good at rationalizing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SUPER good. Really, thank God for Facebook and birthday reminders.

      Delete
  6. I was just thinking the other day about how horrible I am at initiating stuff. I sometimes end up going to lunch with two or three different people in a week, and then go weeks without seeing anyone. But I NEVER call and invite anyone to lunch or whatever. What the HELL is up with that? Fear of rejection, probably--even though these are long-established friendships. Also, somehow, somewhere along the way, I "learned" that it sucks to be the person who cares "more" or even look like the one who does.

    Who needs therapy when you can work out all your issues commenting on someone else's blog? Thanks, friend. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Put the check in the mail. I almost certainly will not write you a thank you card, though.

      Delete
  7. One of your best qualities as a friend is your honesty about yourself. The blessing of friendship is that we compliment each other, we don't have the same strengths or weakness but together we make a unique and enduring relationship. I am fortunate to count you as a good friend of mine!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Michelle. You need to write a post about being a good friend, lol.

      Delete