I am not a very good friend.
This is probably where you say to yourself, "Oh, come on. I'm sure you're a good friend! You tell wonderful little stories about poo poo and you have darling children! What more could a person ask for in a friend?" While those things are true, it is not enough to make me a good friend.
I am not a good listener. I am listening, but I also thinking about what I'm going to say. As a result, I sometimes forget what you've told me and so I don't know to ask those important follow up questions days or weeks down the road.
Did you get your hair cut? Did you tell me you were going to get your hair cut? Did I see you getting your hair cut? I forget.
I don't return phone calls and send fifteen emails when one would suffice. I don't reciprocate. I don't initiate. I neglect to write thank you notes. I make excuses about time and distance and busyness, even though you're just as busy as me. I assume you'll understand.
But - I care, often more than I let on, and sometimes because I'm not very comfortable telling you. Maybe part of me is still 12 years old and I'm afraid if I tell you that you're SUPER AWESOME, you are going to tell me I'm a creeper. Should I hug you? Should I not hug you? Should I say I love you? Do grown ups who aren't related or having relations say 'I love you'? Because I do.
I have some amazing friends. Kind, thoughtful, funny, caring people who like me enough to overlook the fact that I don't pay attention. I spent a good part of my adulthood feeling the absence of significant female friendships. I now find myself in the company of women who inspire, encourage and teach me, every day. They love me, despite my inability to pay attention.
I love them, too. There, I said it.
2 weeks ago