I had a fantastic weekend with my family. We had fun, spent time with friends, enjoyed the glorious weather, and had a minimum of yelling. Last night, after the kids were tucked into bed, I had a moment of clarity. It was so sudden and so unexpected, and the thought nearly took my breath away -
This is the happiest I have ever been.
Barring small everyday worries, most of those resulting from my own impatience and frustrations, my life is nearly perfect. My husband adores me, my children still tolerate me, my friends are many and dear. I have settled into a deep contentment, and wish to never leave.
Every night, I fall asleep during my erratic prayers (please keep them safe what do we have going on tomorrow thank you for my family do we have milk?). Every night, I ask the same thing - give me patience, give me peace, help me be better. Last night, it was different - please let us always be this happy.
Several times, I turned to the husband to tell him, but each time I felt hot eyed and lumpy throated and couldn't quite get it out. I realize that the schmaltzy old people at the grocery store who say things like, 'You'll look back on this time...' are right. We are young and healthy and happy and safe and well.
What a gift.
2 years ago
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This post filled my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Stephanie!
DeleteIt's weird. I have been thinking so much about life. I hate getting older and I really try to revel in the now and the here. When you get older you realize just how fast life goes and what a gift it is. I really do hope there is a heaven because I cannot imagine life being so temporary for nothing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Randine. I am a praying person, but I am willing to admit that I might be completely wrong about all of it. The end may well be the end, what better reason to live the best life you can? There is reward enough in life, anything that comes after woukd be a welcome bonus. Will I go to hell for that, I wonder. ;)
DeleteAnd I hate that I can't backspace when replying to comments on the ipad, so my shit is rife with typos!!!
DeleteI could go on and on and on about this subject. It is something I havent come to peace with. Maybe you get that as you get older? The only thing I find as I get older is a fear of death. Gee. Aren't I just debbie downer today! lol
DeleteQuick! Spit on something! Throw some salt over your shoulder! Knock on some wood!! Cut your own bangs!!
ReplyDeleteIt helps in keeping things going smoothly.
Love, Your Superstitious Blog Sister
absolutely beautiful. I cried.
ReplyDeletexxo
MOV
How wonderful! You are right that you have so much to be thankful for. I love that you are feeling so happy!
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, feel like everyone I know is going through a mid-life crisis. I was going to blog about it but you have now reminded me that I need to acknowledge the people who are NOT having turmoil in their lives, too, because we have so much to be thankful for.
On another note, I was dying laughing at your prayers because just last night I remember starting mine and within minutes I was thinking about someone I needed to call and had to apologize to God for getting off topic ONCE AGAIN!
I pray exactly the same way. I'm assuming He understands.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful and tremendously heartwarming. So many people just bitch about everything. It's nice to hear someone step back and say "Yes. This is good."
Very good, indeed.