Friday, December 30, 2011


I don't know why Simon Le Bon didn't marry me. Sure, sure - he was an international pop sensation and married to a supermodel and I was a 12 year old gap toothed kid in the middle of Nowhere, North Carolina, but we were soul mates. I knew it. I knew it every time I kissed his picture above my bed, as soon as my mom had turned out the light and moved a safe distance down the hall. I made out with a picture of Simon Le Bon while the Dallas theme song played in the living room.

At least, until the paper where his mouth was had worn completely away and he looked like a victim of some horrible mouth-erasing accident. I kissed a piece of paper so much that I effectively ate it away. That is kind of embarrassing.

Something similar happened with the 21 Jump Street-era Johnny Depp.
And Rob Lowe.
And Christian Slater.
And Val Kilmer.
And Kiefer Sutherland.
And, God help me, the lead singer of the country music supergroup, Alabama. At least it wasn't an Oak Ridge Boy.

Katie is just getting to the age where she's showing interest in teen idols, and I promise to never tease her about them. And if I find a picture with a hole where the mouth used to be, I'll just look away.


  1. Does anyone remember Richard Grieco? He and I really had a serious thing going. Not sure why it ended.

  2. My parents installed a framed cork board that went all the way across one wall of my room and I had a collection of pictures of Keanu Reeves (Bill and Ted's era), C.B. Barnes, and Nuno Bettencourt... as well as many other local teen-aged (and middle aged)boys I was otherwise stalking... in 10th grade I added Drew Barrymore to the mix. =P

    It is SUPER lucky that twitter didn't exist back then or my parents would have had to deal with a whole bunch of cease and desist letters asking me to stop @ messaging famous people I wanted to love me.

  3. Please tell me you have stopped doing this, kissing pictures. I just realized if you just would have put the picture in a frame with a glass, the picture would have lasted longer. Unless, of course, you are one of those rare people with a high concentration of hydrofluoric acid in your saliva, because HF acid eats glass.

  4. Kiefer's mine, bitch.. back off.
    And since all the girls went after Simon, Nick and John, I opted for drummer Roger. He just had that moodiness to him that does a 14 year old in.

  5. I've got dibs on Rob Lowe and Judd Nelson (okay, Judd didn't "technically" make your list, but I'm sure it is an oversight).

    Completely non-related, Kelly: Marianne and I had a super-fun blog idea and want you in on it. Will you please email me directly? (I promise it does not involve guns, nuns, orphans, or wire transfers to Swiss bank accounts). Okay, here is my email:


  6. Have you read "Talking to Girls About Duran Duran"? If not, you really should. Then you could kiss the lips off a Rob Sheffield picture. (He wrote the book.)

  7. At least no one here has claimed River Phoenix or John Cusack. They're mine.