Friday, December 16, 2011

O (Substandard) Christmas Tree

"The Christmas tree is the centerpiece of Christmas, and ours is completely substandard. And I am not having that."

Last year, the lights on the artificial tree started to go bad. We bought a little gizmo that fixed them right up, and so we rolled on, our artificial tree rocking for another year. Then this year, the lights started getting funky within a few days of putting the tree up. We pulled out the gizmo, and the gizmo didn't work.

Each day, we've lost a few more lights. The tree currently stands about 1/3 lit, with a week left until Christmas.

"I think we should go out and buy a real tree." The Husband says. I arch an eyebrow his way. "Just take the decorations off, we'll get a tree, and you can redecorate it. It'll take an hour, tops." he says.

"You are out of your fucking mind." I say.

Tonight, he gets a text message and looks over at me and smiles, "I think I can get a free tree."

"Oh, really?" I say. "For what?"

"This is bullshit!" he says, and then uses the line about the tree being the centerpiece of Christmas.

"We can just wrap some more lights on it." I say, because I know there is no way in hell it will take me an hour to un-decorate, then re-decorate, the tree.

"I'll take it all down and re-do it." He says.

Over my dead body. Decorating the primary tree has been MY job since we first got a tree, and there's no way I'm going to let him screw it up, with his plastic tinsel and popcorn on a string.

Then I'm sitting here tonight, looking at our pitiful, half dark tree, and I start thinking: Maybe that would be fun. Maybe I could let the kids spend a day stringing popcorn and cranberries and making paper chains and let them decorate the tree. What is happening to me? Have I lost my mind?

What do you think?


  1. Let him do it. It will probably be the last time he ever volunteers for THAT job.

    Personally, I'd just put more lights on it. But that presents problems with an already decorated tree. So, make it an event? I'd go for it!

  2. I love The Husband, he is my third son. And like all my children, I know him well. Well enough to know him taking on this project a week before Christmas is just not a good idea. I would rather have a half lit tree!! A stress free week before and a happy family on Christmas Day! ho ho ho

  3. I say do it! Just do it all together so it gets done faster and it will be a fun story to tell. And I love homemade garland! And do both color and white lights, it looks great on a real tree. Yes, do it!!

  4. Popcorn garlands are pretty, but not so much after the toddler has eaten part of it. Trust me.

  5. I'm a lifelong Chicago Bears fan and our mantra will work well for you right now: "Maybe next year!"

  6. Last night, at the girls request, we strung popcorn...lots of it! We put it on the tree and they are absolutely thrilled and proud. Unfortunately we only have popcorn left on the upper 2/3 of the tree. Hadn't thought about Chewy helping himself to a popcorn treat whenever he felt like it! It's by no menas the prettiest tree with the girls touches, but we love it :)

  7. OK, I have to tell you all I was feeling a little smug since neither toddler nor dog had eaten any of the popcorn garland. Then this afternoon Shutup Roxy pulled a classic a-hole move and ate most of the bottom strand, lol.

  8. I'm kind of obsessive about my tree. All decorations must be red and gold. If the lights aren't perfectly distributed, I'll take them down and re-do, even if that means I also have take down half the decorations to do it. OK, so maybe it's closer to crazy than obsessive... anyway, I'd let him do it. You never know if the Christmas pictures you look back on and laugh at in 10 years are the ones that will make him cringe.