Saturday, July 2, 2011

Mad Woman

I take a sick pleasure in righteous indignation. My ass and my shoulders meet on a regular basis, and when they do the ass is loathe to get down. I can hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe. I can stay mad forever.

It's a fact the husband can attest to. I am mad at him right now - except I'm not really mad anymore, I am just pretending like I'm mad. Because a) I haven't been mad long enough and b) he has not yet apologized correctly. Let's break that down:

a) I haven't been mad long enough: Depending on the transgression, I can be mad anywhere from 1 hour to 3 days. There is a 1 hour minimum on being mad, and is reserved for things like not changing the toilet paper roll, leaving me to drip dry. 3 days is for the most serious offense - hurting my feelings. In this particular case, he has hurt my feelings, but what he said holds a kernel of truth, which tempers the punishment to 1 day.

b) He has not yet apologized correctly: When you say "What I said, while true, was not kind..." you have done fucked up, mister. Adding the 'while true' totally negates the apology, and might get extra time added on to your sentence.

But here's the problem - the only one getting punished here is me. The hell!, you say. He is sitting over there, tossing out little witticisms and amusing himself and surfing the internet looking at golf clubs or butt plugs or whatever and does not care one whit that I am all bulled up like a 2 year old. If I stood up right this minute and stomped my feet and started crying, he would say something like "You are crazy." and go right back to what he was doing. He doesn't care that I am mad.

This makes me FURIOUS. This makes me madder than the reason I was mad to begin with, and then I get mad at myself for being so ridiculous. Then, before you know it, he'll start being charming and he will say something really funny. I will laugh, and then I will get mad because he made me laugh.

It may be time to rethink this system.


  1. "golf clubs or butt plugs"?'re just not right! Hahaha

  2. There is no fun in it if you don't give yourself time to stomp around the house and ignore everyone! :)