I am convinced that The Man, the People in Power, are using telekinesis or a probe in my brain, or something, to steal my ideas. My friend J Rose over at Cheeseblarg had a fantastic idea to sell pudding by mail. Because I like her, I shared (and gave her permission to use) my idea to package pudding skin a la Fruit Roll Ups. Then she told me that this was already suggested on an episode of Seinfeld.
This is not the first time one of my ideas has been stolen by that gottdamn Jerry Seinfeld. Beefaroni? Yeah, me. Poppie peeing on the couch? That happened at my grandma's house in 1978. I dated the original Assman. Who do you think gave him the name?
It all leads me to one, inarguable conclusion: Jerry Seinfeld is working for the Feds in order to steal my brain and make millions of dollars.
-The windshield shades that fold up and pop out
-Automatic running boards for giant SUVs
-Bacon flavored everything
-Pantyliners with wings
-Battery operated baby snot suckers
Someone owes me big, Mr. Seinfeld.
2 weeks ago