Monday, November 14, 2011

Washer Woman

It's such a cliche that I hate even to write about it. But it is my reality, and the reality of millions of parents worldwide.

My life is ruled by The Laundry.

The Laundry is bullshit. If I dare skip a day, it gathers in the darkened hamper and commits unspeakable acts. Dirty socks rub up against filthy shirts and they have nasty laundry sex and spawn little laundry babies. So that when I go to do the wash the next day, I stare at the piles and think, how did this happen? Didn't I just wash that?

Chances are yes, I did just wash that. There are times when I reach the bottom of Katie's dirty clothes basket, only to find the neat stack of clean, folded clothes I asked her to put away earlier. Sometimes, I'll find these little stacks stashed in various parts of her room - pajamas in the bottom of the closet, t-shirts behind her bed, underwear in her bathroom drawer.

Julia does a fantastic job of putting her clothes away. Her problem lies in her constant need for a costume change. Spill a little water on your shirt? Need a new one. PB&J on your pants? Yep, gotta change. It is not unusual for her change underwear four times a day. Her reasoning? 'I think there's a little pee in them.' She's been potty trained for more than two years, and we both know there's nothing there. But saying 'There's no pee in your pants' to a four year old is kind of like saying 'You don't really have to poop'. It's not a chance you want to take.

Henry, on the other hand, has legitimate wardrobe changes. Today alone we went through three shirts (plus pajamas), thanks to cup of lemonade, a bagel with cream cheese, and what may or may not have been a dingleberry off the dog's ass. I didn't inspect it too closely.

I think back to those days before Katie was born, when I shared the literal load of laundry with the Husband. Few enough clothes that we only did wash once a week. I remember in the month before she was born, washing all the tiny clothes in anticipation of her arrival. How I folded the wee onesies and giggled over the tiny socks and used the special soap and the delicate cycle.

How could I have known what a monster it would become. That one day the sight of yet another basketful of tiny clothes would bring tears to my eyes.

Fuck.It.All. I sigh. The Laundry!


  1. Right there with you. I spent the last 3 days washing, drying, folding and hanging. And when I left for work this morning? A full hamper of dirty clothes was sitting next to the washing machine taunting me.

    I am about to pile everything into black garbage bags, stuff them into my car, take them to the laundry mat and let them do my laundry. Just start fresh so that I can maintain from there.

    It will probably be an expensive failure, but, for a few days at least, there will not be clothes on the GD floor.

    Did you know - and I am not sure how this happened - when I gave birth to our daughter 4 YEARS AGO, my husband magically lost his ability to wash any clothes but HIS OWN? MAGICALLY. Does not even notice the clothes he had to take out of the hamper and throw on the floor to get to his clothes. It's amazing really. A-FRIGGIN-MAZING.

  2. kelly,

    I feel your pain. Big time. Now, you know I do not normally do this, but if you are just doing nothing (ha ha, yeah right) and you have a lot of "free" time on your hands, maybe you wanna laugh/ cry about what I wrote on the same topic a while ago (see, brilliant minds think alike, or wait, is it misery loves company?):

    have a great day, and try not to let those bleach fumes get to ya.


  3. I'm back from hunting!
    Love you. A ton. <3
    Oh, by-the-way... TANFL.
    (Yeah, I read it as Tan-Fll. Think me weird.)
    I swear, I've killed off so many ideas of my own. It sucks. :/
    Cling to your dreams, 'cause everything's possible.
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

  4. Heather, it cracks me up how pissed we can get about dirty clothes, lol. Thanks for reading!

    MOV, I think it's a little bit of both, though I do think you're brilliant, so I must check out the post!

    Motaki! I've missed you! Thank you for the words (and links) of encouragement.

  5. "Dirty socks rub up against filthy shirts and they have nasty laundry sex and spawn little laundry babies." I love this description. Made me chuckle.

    I can't wait until I can have my son put his clothes away. Not that i will help too much if I can't keep up with my own.

  6. hate to say it but it gets worse, the clothes get bigger and all of a sudden you are washing 5 adults clothes.....and kel will be shaking out the clean clothes so you'll think they're dirty cause she doesn't want to wear "that" shirt, jules will still change four times and henry will replace food spills with just dirt! been there, done that Mom

  7. thismumma - thanks! And thanks for reading!